


Beth Fucking Green Ain't No Friendly Giant

by Igot2peedou



Category: The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Dark, Beth and Merle, Cutting, Depression, Drugs, F/M, FIx It, Friendship, Gen, Grady Memorial Hospital, S3, bethyl, eventual bethyl, s2, s4, s5, the walking dead - Freeform, twd
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-09-04
Updated: 2016-09-28
Packaged: 2018-08-12 22:38:27
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 5
Words: 7,470
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7951957
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Igot2peedou/pseuds/Igot2peedou
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Beth snatches the pill bottle from his hand.<br/>"What the hell Merle?" He can hear the scorn in her voice- the icy disappointment. So he does what any Dixon would.<br/>"Oh, don't go gettin ya cherry in a twist Lolita. It's a don't ask don't tell policy, remember?"<br/>His breath is hot against her throat and Beth wants to scream. She doesn't. "You told me you were quittin it. Merle- you made it! And now you're gonna withdra-"<br/>He yanked her flesh against him, grabbin at her wrist. "What do you call this huh? Slittin ya wrist for fun? I got my pills and you got your blade Greene. Ain't no different."<br/>Beth tries to rip away from him. "It's not the same Merle and you know it."<br/>"Oh, really? On ya knees bleedin to feel well I bleed in the inside Greene, and I want to forget it."</p><p>He never saw the sucker punch coming.</p><p>----</p><p>Beth gets shot in the head, but before that... everything is different. Starts from season 2 and onward. Beth and Merle friendship- eventual Bethyl.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Beth Fucking Greene Ain't No Friendly Giant

**Author's Note:**

> In which Beth doesn't make it out of the farm. She meets a certain one handed Dixon- who at this point hasn't joined the Govenor. This depicts a Merle/Beth friendship. Merle and Beth may be a little oc at times, this is my fic and I'm also a pretty new writer so sorry... compliments and criticism is welcome.

She collapses in the soot of the barn. Ash burns her knees but Beth doesn't care. _They're gone._ The thought makes her teeth ache- reminds her of an ocean, this pain of hers. Like the tide it is constant and leaves her dull, beaten. She wants to believe they're alive. Beth really does.  _This isn't happening they didn't leave me-_ 'cept it's the universal truth. People like her die in this new world. Natural selection and all. Those that are better equipped survive. She and every other weak being die. 

Beth breaths in deeply, it kicks up embers. Slivers of hot flutter against porcelain skin. _Burn._ None of this is real. Nothing but a dream within a dream within a nightmare. Any moment daddy will tell Maggie to come wake her up for breakfast and- she sinks her hands into the cinders, pulls 'em out grey. Her hands feel raw. The pain makes Beth's gut roll, and it akin to curiosity; piercing through apathy. Underneath all of the ash she can see agitated pink flesh. It reminds her of her summer job- the one Shaun got her. Beth had been so excited, she'd never worked anywhere besides the farm and the prospect of gettin paid and having the same job as Shaun was the icing on the cake. Turnt out, hauling boxes wasn't to great for hands. Beth's palms and fingers were littered with dozens of blisters the first couple weeks. Her mama said there was no shame in quitin but Beth didn't. She loved working at the fruit stand- even if Shaun did get handsy with their coworkers in the back freezers- at the end of the day, he always remembered to pick her the ripest fruit.

It made it worth it; having those busted blisters. The sweet relief of a peach. Chilled from the freezer-   
Beth shivered. Shaun.  _He's dead._ She tucked her aching appendages under her armpits .  _Him and mama..._ dead. Of this Beth was sure. The first week after she was left Beth hadn't the heart to go back to the farm, so she slept next to her mama and Shaun's grave. It took all her willpower to not dig them out and make sure. Instead she grieved, for the living and the dead. 

Beth had cried until she physically could no longer and now, she felt empty. Alone with nothing but an ocean of steady pain. It's constantness left her numb. She wanted to  **feel** something- good or bad, it didn't matter.  _If I'm alive why do I feel so dead?_ So Beth came back to the pyre, came to light herself on fire- too late. The fire was gone. What was left worked just as well. This pain- this voluntary self infliction, made everything crisp. _Clear._ She could see- her breath wouldn't catch on her sorrow, it came easier. Her people that ghosted her every action with doubt faded by a fraction and ~~she~~  it made her aware of how alive she was.

These revelations came to her in the most basic forms. Bodily functions and bodily needs. Beth coughed, her throat impossibly dry.  _Water_ , she thought. And without further ado she marches forwards, dodging any stragglers that was left behind by the herd. Without too much effort she was on her porch. She opened the door.  
        She packs a bag- knows she can't stay here. It's irrational but she can't stay here. Beth doesn't want to, not when her home is an exoskeleton, a carcass. _Emptiness._ Beth drinks from the faucet until her stomach is swollen. After she curls into the fetal position on the couch that smells faintly of Maggie- and sleeps. She doesn't dream and isn't surprised by it. When she wakes up she almost leaves immediately until she realizes how dumb that would be.  _Leave without any supplies? Without any protection- just the cloths on my back._ And yet Beth refused to step foot upstairs- at first. Beth knows it's something she has to do though so she promises herself she won't go up more then she has to. Even the single trip up there proves unpleasant and overwhelming.  

She takes Maggie's black North-face backpack, and Shaun's lucky knife. The only thing she takes from her momma and daddy's room is the picture of them together, happy and smiling. The barn looms behind them like a dystopian promise. Beth purposely leaves her room for last. It feels so strange to stand in a room so bright. It felt even worse as she threw open her closet to loot. Felt dirty. She doesn't deserve any of this- not when Patricia, Jimmy, Otis, and Shaun are dead. Suddenly taking her own cloths loses all appeal- tastes a lot like stealing. _As if I'm robbing a little girl and we have the same face._ Beth pinches her arm with enough force to bruise.  _Think_ , she scolds herself. She gathers subtitle clothing, dark shirts and jeans- a weeks worth. That was a struggle all on it's own. Beth had been a fan of pink and neon. Beth took one more look around, this would be the last time, she cried for awhile before returning downstairs and continuing her search in supplies. She found granola bars and beef jerky. It was a meager meal even if she rationed it well throughout her weeks but she hoped there'd be somewhere along the way. She even found a refillable water bottle. Leaving was the hardest part. She decided to stall until tomorrow before ripping herself away from her home, like a band aid.

 So here she was.

Staring up at the ceiling. _I should have... Lori tried to get me out but I was so **dumb.**_ She blinked back tears. Her incompetence cost her everything- her sister. Her dad. Those people- her people.  _Now I'll never see them again. I'm good as dead._ But that was the thing, wasn't it? Beth wasn't dead. No matter how much it hurt, how guilty it made her feel the fact of the matter was she was alive. So what if the way she reminded herself was different? At least she wanted to live. 

Beth left at dawn.   


	2. Like Lolita

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Beth gives a lesson in literature to a Dixon.

**A month later**

* * *

 

Beth ignored the crimson dripping from her wrist, she had more pressing matters- like the one against her head.

"Who the fuck are you," a rough voiced snarled. Her heart soared, beating a tattoo against her ribs. He knocked the gun against the side of her head, clipping her ear- she gave a shout. 

"I won't ask you again sugar tits. Who are you?" Desperation began to creep along her skin. His man handling set her on edge- her wrist throbbed. 

"Well!" He pushed her closer to the window, and for the first time since the ordeal began Beth caught sight of her attacker. Beth briefly met his eyes in the reflection of the window. She let a gasp- a small part of her _recognized_ those awfully blue eyes. The man grunted at the look she gave him. **Crack!** Beth clenched her eyes shut, trying to rid herself of the big fat blackspots eating her vision.  Her head pounded in the area he slammed her head in. She dazedly struggled against him, movements sluggish and predictable.  
          "We coulda done this the easy way sweetheart." The threat coiled around her throat like a slithery promise. Beth reared back her head back and headbutted him- felt the sting that made him stumble back- Beth plucked her knife from the floor and faced him. The man was cursing, forearm over is mouth and chin.

She could hear her blood thrumming through her head. Boom boom boom! Beth hardly noticed how his forearm was swaddled in bandages. She most definitely didn't register he was missing a hand. All Beth was aware of the flash of metal- his gun, and his angry blue blue eyes. She couldn't place them but there was a familiarity to them that made her hesitant to run away. However, terror and fury soon took over- he snuck up on _her,_ touched her- he had no right! Beth spoke up, angry how this stranger made her confused and scared.   
    "B... Beth," she panted, chest heaving. "I'm Beth Fucking Greene!" She almost sounded  _fearless_ and-the man busted out laughing. "Oh ho, cool it BFG. Girl like you ain't no fucking giant." 

 He gave her a toothy grin before making a show of looking at his gun. "Drop your toothpick and raise them hands girlie. We're gonna have a talk, me and you." Beth swallowed, cotton mouth. She was in a world of trouble- she felt faint. Beth opened her mouth to speak but nothing came out.  _We don't know them Bethy,_ her dad had said. She was between a rock and a hard place but at least Rick and them never had her family at gunpoint. This realization had her vision plunging down. The ground seemed to rush up up  _up_ and she was distantly aware of the man demanding for her weapon. Through a sticky haze she offered him her his knife, blade first. The man shouted at her, smacking it to the floor. She gazed at the knife- blade gleaming, the very tip coated in her essence-  _I don't wanna be gutted (I want to go here, in this bed, with you)_ Beth's knees began to give. "Oh..." Her eyes weighed a ton and counting with every blink. Slowly she fell, sinking, and then crashing all at once onto the floor. The last thing she was aware of was coarse laughter, booming.  _  
_

"Pussy ass bitch-"

Beth stirred into consciousness, surprised. Before her was a man- her attacker, tending to a ruddy pink  _stump_ _-_ his stump. It was ugly and oozing puss. She remained still. Orange light filtered through the window, telling her she had been out for most of the day. Beth felt okay, and as she looked around she found that she remained in the same area she has passed out in.  _He didn't move me,_ she thought. Relieved that it also meant he hadn't touched her either Beth looked for her bag. It looked like he hadn't refrained from that though. Beggars couldn't be choosers. Beth returned her attention back to the stranger. At the moment he was struggling to open a bottle of booze. He was relatively unsuccessful and- frustrated, according to the pinched look on his face.    "Motherfucker!" He hurled the bottle at the window. Beth flinched violently, scooting back at the sound of the explosion. "That was stupid," she whispered to herself. His eyes snapped away from the bottle, zeroing in on Beth and where she now sat. His mouth curled into a cruel smile.  _Yeah- letting him know you're awake was stupid._ Beth could have smacked herself if she wasn't so terrified. 

"Well isn't it sleepin beauty herself. You know what they say. Wake up, time to die." He was standing now, looming from across the room. Beth found herself frozen- holding in a bated breath. "I..." 

 "What  _I_ wonder, is, whya girl like you wanderin 'round  with a fresh cherry hangin tween her knees, is doing all alone." He was upon her now, peering down at her lazily. Beth had to crane her neck to meet his electrifying gaze. His eyes were hard- it sent shivers down her spine. Her heart was in her god damn throat. She just  _stood_ there like a deer in the headlights. He flashed her teeth. "Don't worry. Ol' Merle will take care of you." Out of all things, putting a name to this strange predatory man snapped her out of it enough to at least try. "I'm sure you would M- Mr. Merle- but I have a daddy and sister to get back to. I'll, I'll be on my way now...!"   
Merle chuckled. "Shoulda known you were jailbait ya got them little titties and mouth-"

Beth's skin absolutely crawled with his every word. The more uncomfortable she got the bigger his grin grew.  _No. This isn't how it's gonna end- it's not._  
"-like Lolita."   
"Sh- shut up," her voice shook like an unstable building in a earthquake. "You're- not even usin Dolores' in the right context. She was some scared little girl who didn't understand- and, and that Hubert guy was an unreliable narrator! He totally fetishized her!" She was yelling by now, stopped only to glare up at Merle. "I'm not some baby, not since the farm- don't compare me to that poor helpless _girl_!" Her voice cracked on girl,  _that's all you are- helpless. You don't know what you're doing and now you're gonna die cause you can't shut **up.**_ Merle stepped back, if only because he couldn't stand crying- 'specially crying little girls, they were almost eye level with the space he put between them.               

His jaw hung open in an unasked question. The shift in atmosphere didn't go unnoticed by Beth's subconscious and she acted accordingly by a typical pre- apocalypse Beth response- embarrassment. So she explained herself. "I... I just don't wanna die being compared to someone _like_ that in the wrong context."  _I'm not like her. I'm strong._

Merle grunted in response, then shook his head. "Wasn't gonna kill your virgin ass anyway." He stalked back to where he was sitting before Beth woke up. She was shook.  _Did I just babble my way out of this or...? It doesn't matter. Get out of here-_ "Gonna just stand there or you gonna help Beth Fucking Greene?" He tossed her a new bottle of alcohol at her, Beth barely managed to catch it. Her head was practically spinning with the turn of events.   
"Pour that on ol' Merle's nub." Beth stayed rooted to her spot.   
 

Her wariness pleased him. "Don't worry I don't fuck girl scouts."   
Still she didn't move. "I want my knife back," Beth braved, voice barely above a whisper. Merle snorted. "Good fuckin luck finding it. Size of a needle, blondie, better luck finding a cure to this shit storm." Beth wanted to cry- her eyes began to water. She bit back a whimper- that was Shaun's knife. Merle turned away from her grief distressed expression. Beth sniffled. She tried to be quiet but it was becoming hard to contain her crying.

"What are you waiting for? The second coming?"

He waved his stump impatiently at her. With swollen pink eyes she glowered at him beneath all of the sadness. It surprised both of them when she deftly unscrewed the bottle and dumped it's contents on his stump. "Fucker-" Merle hissed, before tensing up and riding out the pain silently. Beth watched him- she didn't regret making him hurt. Merle must have gotten the gist of her actions because he eyed her, taking in all she had to offer. He saw a small, frail, sunburnt girl. "Don't need no dead weight hanging 'round kid. Best march your ass back the way you came."  
                     Beth felt a sense of betrayal despite the circumstances and was aware of the unfairness of his request- no, order. He hadn't given her a choice. "No... I was here first I...  _no_." 

Merle rose an eyebrow as if to say,  _oh really? That's what you think._

  She continued- desperate now. "I have nowhere to go. My family's..." Beth closed her eyes as tears began to fall. "You-" _~~mama's nails diggin canals into her shoulders~~_ Beth snapped her eyes open. "You robbed me blind! Don't think I didn't notice Mr. Merle," she jerked her head towards her bag. It lay there unzipped, contents hanging out like guts from a walker. She was so angry it made her blood sizzle. "You owe me! I helped you so help  _me_..." Her shoulders sagged. "Please. I can't be alone again- I'll die out there." The truth of her words bit into her like razor blades.  _I can't live another day with no one there I need I need my Maggie or ShaunevenCarolorLoriRick someone **please-**_

Merle looked at her with cool uninterested eyes. Beth grabbed at his shirt. "Listen to me-!"  _They never listen..._  
"Fuck off of me Goldilocks. Ain't my fault your folks left you for dead." He ripped her fingers off his shirt. "Shit happens. Get used to that type of shit." He glanced at his stump before standing up. "I ain't no baby sitter." 

Beth watched helplessly as he turned his back to her. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And sooo they meet. Keep in mind that the time skip is important in further chapters. Notice how Beth ALMOST recognizes Merle as Daryl's brothers cos of his eyes? Lol I wonder if they'll ever realize it om their own... mwhaha. Anyway comment, critique etc.


	3. An Ass Kick Seven Ways to Hell

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A herd is on it's way. Can Beth survive? Does she have the will to after being abandoned yet again?

     Beth is curled in on herself , facing the wall. Her breathing was shallow despite the urge to scream that began to needle at the pit in her stomach. She tried to pinpoint why the strangers refusal hurt so much.  _He just cast me off as like I'm nothing like l'm already done for-_ Merle's decision was swift, made before Beth even opened her mouth, and it didn't sit well with her. 

 

_Ain't my fault your folks left you for dead. I ain't no babysitter._

 

His words were like a slap in the face and it had stung.  _Burned._ ( ~~ _What's wrong blondie can't stomach the truth?)_~~ Beth felt her will wavering, the memory of ash and salt- tides of emptiness brought on by this recent rejection. Another let down in the string of many. Her pleas had died at her lips the moment his back had turned. Beth could see he had given up on her without a thought without remorse... Beth hugged herself harder, scooting towards the wall. (As if she could meld into the drywall and cease to exist) -  _turned away just like them. Like that._

 

"Everyone gives up on me," Beth realized. The sound of her own statement made her cringe, thinking and saying were two different things. She hadn't meant it- they couldn't have left her on  _purpose-_ but, she meant it. Beth couldn't take back her words because they were true enough to be happening, to be real.  _Not everyone that group..._ Beth bit back the memories, jerking her knee against the wall-  _Stop,_ she thought to herself.  _No you let them die they're six feet under bloody and ~~ra~~ dead- _

"Quit!" Her voice rang in the empty grocery store, echoing momentarily. Beth sounded deranged even to herself... ( _I won't let them down) you killed them. You killed don't think_ _about it (you stupid bitch!)_ Beth straightened herself, rolling onto her back. She had promised herself not to think about it anymore. It hadn't been working  _it never works._ She stared up at the ceiling, trying not to think or feel anything besides the ground beneath or the stranger she had met. Merle. She began to swallow her sorrow as she thought about him and the dangers he had posed. Beth wondered if she should be thankful he hadn't been a bad man, one of _them_. 

 **Burn.** Burning. Ash and salt. She tried to blink back the kaleidoscope ceiling above her, knowing it would be long night- crying would not pass the time any easier then sleep. So she sleeps, or at least tries to.

 

It's the dead of night when he rouses her with a kick to the side. 

"Wake up fuck face." Beth is awake blinking up at Merle, and in the next second he's gone- out of her peripheral vision. Beth sits up puzzled. What was he doing here? He had left hours ago. The darkness was to her disadvantage and despite hearing his movement she could not see him. "Where," she began to ask but she didn't even finish her sentence, he was back. A dark shadow shoving a bag- her bag?- into her arms.

"Unless you wanna be biter shit hurry your pansy ass up." He spins on his heels, gone, again. She jumps to her feet. His coarse words a dizzying music to her ears with no time to question. Whatever his reason, Beth was hot on his heels. She becomes aware of the sound of moans and bodies- the sound only a herd of walkers could make- how had she not heard it before?  _Exhaustion, maybe._ She doesn't get the chance to dwell on it because he's out the door now and she refuses to be left behind this time. If he was a shadow she was the shadow's shadow. He leads her into the woods, Merle is halfway in a crouch but makes a good pace despite it. She follows fervently and soon they are running and the dead follow the best the can.  _Run-_ running is not a foreign concept to her, it's her greatest weapon now a days- being able to outrun the droolers, but still. Beth can only run for so long without fatigue and lack of sleep condemning her.                 He never acknowledges her, the fact she's beginning to lag behind or she's behind him  _following_ him but Beth knows he must know because there is a time she can't go on any longer and she almost sobs his name. "Merle-" he glares at her.

 

Beth hears what sounds like  _useless bitch,_ and then he's there besides her. Dragging Beth forward. Merle brings no relief, he's yanking her, Beth can hardly pick up her feet- her muscles feel like giving. They spasm in defeat and she needs water- oh god she needs water... but the iron grip on her wrist devours her, relentless. She thinks maybe there is a god who cares when they stumble upon the a lake (or is it a river?) and there is a boulder a little ways out. He sees it too and then they are going or else; they are lost. ( ~~ _Burn._~~ _No you_ _can't burn if you are dead.)_ The current bites her, every fiber of her is soaked, she is gone- she must be she she's  _alive._ Merle drops her hand boosts himself onto the rock and Beth feels a spear of betrayal. After everything he has left her for dead? The current slams into her like an avalanche and she should have drowned- joined the dead stumbling before and behind her- but instead she clings to the boulder, teeth knocking against it jarring her skull in the most painful way possible and yet she still holds on and she's going to die the current is coming back for more she can't hold on any longer (she can't feel her limbs anymore-) Merle reaches out to her and Beth grabs onto his forearm and 

 after the two's combined effort Beth is allowed to collapse onto the boulder besides Merle.  They pass out, one after another listening to the shuddering breaths of survival that the other provides.

 

Beth wakes up hungry and battered. Not just wet but sodden as a log in a rainstorm- one thrown off a waterfall at that. She can see Merle, asleep- his stump laying on his chest while the other is splayed over his face. They are in close proximity and moving around much would disturb him and she hurts but at the same moment Beth desperately _needed_ something.She wants to thank god for letting them live- for making sure they didn't get swept away, ( _Sing for us Bethy)_ and she has so much to say to Him. Her daddy always said you have to thank the lord in your own way... Beth resists the nettling until she can no longer- the silence grated on her hyper senstive nerves, and if  _that_ would help, by all means.

 _Shaun's favorite song..._ at first the lyrics are a mere hum but as the pented up  _something_ began to ebb away she began to whisper sing, and so on. She hadn't sung since...

  ".... Well, who am I to keep ya down,          

  It's only _right_...

  listen carefully to the sound.                          

 Of your loneliness 

Like a heartbeat drives you mad...              

   In the stillness of remembering 

           Of what you had 

          And what you lost... 

           And what you had...                                         And what you  _had_

 

Now here I go go again, I see,                  

    the crystal visions 

        I keep my visions to myself..."

 

             Merle felt the boulder beneath him begin to bake and narrowly pushed down the urge to call out Beth  _Fucking_ Greene out on her audacity to sing. She minds well have set off a car alarm with all the unwanted attention she was gonna attract. Merle could have told her to shut the fuck up, quit pussy footin around the fact she was gonna end up pushin up daisies like the Viet Cong Rafterman skullfucks- but unlike the movie, he sure as hell wasn't gonna be there to give no fucking mercy kill. Screw that, Beth Fucking Greene was on her own from here on out. Yeah, he didn't say shit but it didn't stop him from abruptly pushing himself to his feet. Merle was gonna lay down the law right then and there-

he was her God for all he was concerned and these were his ten commandments that he would bestow on her- for saving her lily green ass like some bible thumpin Saint, (which he was not- Saints don't got a for sure ticket to hell)- all of this could have came out, if she had not looked at him. 

   Bits of song was floatin out of her lips despite his unexpected actions and her eyes were wide and blue, blown up to the size of two oceans. He saw all types of shit that let him know he was in a world of trouble. Trust- she was a damn fool for trusting him, fear- that was smart _great_ even,  **dependence.**

Merle leered at  _that_ in disgust and averted his eyes.  _Lookin like a baby trynna latch on the nearest titty._ "Fuck you lookin at Merle for, huh? Keep singing."  _Start singing and I'll tear your tongue out girl._

 

Her mouth snapped shut into a quivery line, and she seemed to fold into herself. She wouldn't look at him. He didn't need to see her eyes again- Merle had already seen the condemning factor. A sadness. The sight of it inside her eyes made his handless hand's fingers twitch.                      

    Beth had gave him the same look his kid brother Daryl had given him every time Merle had managed to land his white trash ass back into juvie- and then prison, later on. Same fucking look. The Pain of abandonment, Merle supposed. (Although Daryl left him on a fucking  _roof_ _so who's the abandoner now, huh Darylina?)_

 The next time Merle saw his brother he was going to dislocate both his arms.  _I'm kicking your sorry ass seven ways to hell for your ~~expressive~~ girly ass eyes Dayrlina. _ The cock muncher was basically forcing his hand- with the similarity between his shit for brains brother, Merle couldn't well up in leave Miss Because-Of-WinDixie in the asscrack of nowhere.

"Mother fucking  **fuck**!" Merle shouted, eyes flashing. The girl looked at him, flinching, backing away with fear in her eyes.  _Yeah I like you better this way,_ if only because the emotion 

hid the  _look._

 

"I need a fix... You comin or ya gonna sit there twiddlin your twat?" 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sooooooooooooooooooo. Comment fools lmao.
> 
> Anyway they're in an uneasy alliance now! Woo! We get a peek of Merle's pov. How'd ya'll like it? Sorry for any oc- ness but yeah. I know Beth thinks with 'you' directed toward herself while Merle thinks with 'I'. Well, they are 2 different people and keep in mind Beth is used to being surrounded by family- she's never really had to be alone. She's not used to it. One of the ways she's come to deal with it is having convo's in her head to herself. Merle on the other hand is used to riding solo bla bla. 
> 
> Anyway hope ya'll enjoyed.


	4. What A Grungy Bastard Can Do

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Beth looked like she wanted to pitch the bat at his head. Good let her. Maybe she'll stop being a tight lipped stiff now. 
> 
> Instead she stepped away. Merle let her. 
> 
> Her breath was caught in her lungs, her ocean was on fire. You don't know me. You don't know anything about me. My mom- Shaun (you let them die- !) He was wrong. Her mitts- her hands were already caked in blood. It was her fault those poor people... and now. Now, he wanted all of her. Wanted her to act like this was some sort of past time- he's sick. He- Merle you can't do this they'll no. no no no ( you stupid bitch!)

"Think she'll sit on my face and wriggle- that's what we men call a 99 cent dream. Huh, Greene."

He looked back at her with a sleazy smirk before advancing on the biter with ease, not waiting for her reply. He jimmied out his knife from his belt sheath and guffawed at the state of her- it's? nudity. Beth backed away, repulsion settling thickly into her system. The biter had been a female; once. Now it was a bloated ravaged beast, all hints of feminine characteristics grossly distorted besides a single hanging breast, the other was a gunky gaping wound. 

Beth couldn't help feel disgusted with it and Merle who was now _taunting_ it, which he was fond of doing, she had found. 

"Wanna wrap those lovely red lips around my cock?" 

He swept the biter's feet causing it to crash to the ground. It's movements were jerky, too slow if it wanted to make a meal out of Merle. He plunged the blade into the biter's socket-"Yeah well ya ain't gettin any t' day sweetheart." Merle remained crouched over the walker for a moment before looking up at Beth, head tilted, eyes two narrow slits. Beth could feel her shoulders curl forward, folding in on herself. She didn't know what to say, so she didn't say anything at all. 

"Next one's yours."

She opened her mouth to- object? No, she wasn't sure what she  _would_ have said but it didn't matter. In Merle's presence she couldn't find her footing. Beth reminded herself of a broke leg horse. Hysterical. Scared. Out of place even with him, who had saved her. She wasn't confident in their togetherness. He didn't like her, that was plain to see. She had a itch that he would leave her and every day she woke up for a terrifying moment he was gone.  _Like everyone else._ Except so far he hadn't  _not yet at least._

_That fact he hadn't left wasn't enough. Merle liked to drift. He swaggered from place to place as if there weren't a deadly infection around that brought people back from the dead- and it ran Beth ragged._ She was exhausted each _day- at Merle's beck and call, when he wanted to leave they left, when he wanted to sleep they slept._ She was too scared to speak up, afraid he'd tell her to fuck off or worse, get lost. _(She wouldn't be able to take it, really.) Merle had already bluntly told her he didn't want to know anything_ about her. Being with someone was a small comfort, but the person his self offered no condolences.  _Don't even bother_ he had told her, her sob story was worth less then shit to him. So she kept her mouth shut, even when his bawdy one sided conversations might have been a left handed offer to speak. If she said the wrong thing, it'd all be over. 

    "Woo-ee look at that grungy bastard."

A stumbling biter nosily limped forward. Half his face was torn off. Beth unconsciously rubbed at her right wrist, wincing at the sight of the man. It was her turn.  
"Well," he said, annoyed.

_well indeed._ Sweat beaded at the small of her back which made her want to wriggle into a hole of coolness. That wasn't going to happen though, not now not ever. She sighed.  
                "Um yeah I got him." She smiled weakly at Merle before jogging at the biter- cocking back her bat and, _missed._ She landed a superficial blow that glanced off his collar bone. Not in the least fatal. She was sickened by the sound of bone giving away, backpedaling. _This isn't right this-_ she raised her bat and pressed forward trying to hold back the bile **burning** her throat.  _Wrong._ This was no way to treat it. Perhaps it sensed her hesitation because the biter lunged at her waist mouth open revealing dull black rotten teeth (arms hooked around her shins pulling her closer) -

_splrk!_    

Merle kicked the biter off his knife. "You bit?" His ears was ringing with a blood curdling scream that never passed her lips.   
Beth slowly shook her head, eyes glued onto the pig on the ground. Merle resisted the urge to bitch slap her. Sniveling little girl wasn't dead yet but he wouldn't be there to save the fucking day every time. "The hell is your problem you retarded? Wanna be the next split leg bitch with one titty putrefied off? Huh!" 

His yelling hardly stirred her, the girl just stood there. Still as a statue. 

Alive. He wasn't sure if this was a good or bad thing (since she seemed to be _so intent on offing herself._ ) Sure as hell wasn't convenient. She was as useful as a lighter without fluid.  _Useless like Darylina... **like** Darylina! _He had been going about this all wrong. Greene was like expensive unbroken  boots, straight from the factory. Made of good stuff but it didn't mean shit unless she broken in. Beth was a straight booter with no idea what was going on- worse, she didn't even know she was a straight booter. And she was a woman. He couldn't do nuthin to change that particular truth but Merle would be damned if he wouldn't teach the privileged bitch the way he taught Daryl. Hell, maybe she'd learn faster then his pillow fighting brother- Beth didn't have anyone to slap her bloody (he'd never resort to that even if she was always actin like a precocious little cunt), but she was living in a cannibal hell. Debatedly worse then a one room house with Will Dixon.   

Merle grabbed her wrist that held on to the bat limply, bringing it up and forcing Beth's attention to be torn away from the biter.   
"Gonnna just stare, Shirley? Think that queer's dead- find out!" He stomped on the walkers rib cage, his foot punching through. He kept eye contact with her the whole time, watching. Her eyes had began to soften, emotion spilling forth as plain as day.Those oceans would get her killed. Merle ripped his foot out of the walker.

"Your turn think you can manage," his tone was crude, he wanted her to snap.  _Now._  
 It had worked. "This isn't a game Merle." Beth's voice was watery, wispy. Weak.  
"Fuck if it ain't. 's called life and ya're shit at it." He stepped away from her, aware that he could snap her bird like wrist with a flick of his. "Gonna get your pretty little mitts dirty or you're gonna die. Play or die Greene- and this," he jerked her hand (and bat around),"-is apart of it." 

Beth looked like she wanted to pitch the bat at his head.  _Good let her. Maybe she'll stop being a tight lipped stiff now._  
  
Instead she stepped away. Merle let her. 

Her breath was caught in her lungs, her ocean was on fire. You don't know me. You don't know anything about me. My mom-  _Shaun_ ( _you let them die- !)_ He was wrong. Her mitts- her hands were already caked in blood. It was her fault those poor people... and now. Now, he wanted all of her. Wanted her to act like this was some sort of past time-  _he's sick._ He- Merle  _you can't do this they'll          no. no no no ( you stupid bitch!)_

 

 

The force of the swing jarred Beth to the marrow of her bones. Her joints peaked with over sensitive nerve endings, scrambling. She blanched. Beth hadn't meant to, the memories had been so overwhelming and she she- she was angry.  _Screw him for making you do this- like we're in some gang. For expectin you to keep it all in but wantin to talk and talk. **Fuck him.** he knows you're weak the ugly dead duckli- _she slammed the bat repeatedly into the biter. The third swing she dented the head in causing gore to splatter her head from toe, flaked in a foulness that she hardly noticed over the  _feeling._ Beth's veins pulsed with power. With anger. Anger at Merle, at the dead people, at Maggie and daddy for being gone- maybe even dead (NO NEVER DEAD), at Shaun and Patricia, for Carl getting shot and leading his group to her family's utopia. She resented Shane for reveling the truth and so so angry that her family let her believe all of the dead were just sick- she kept swinging. In hindsight Beth never knew she had been angry- sad, yes. But how could you justify the ache and be angry at the very people you yearned for with your very soul? It didn't make sense and yet, she kept swinging. Rotten flesh flew everywhere and for once Beth wouldn't mind being alone. 

Because she was spent. She bent at the waist, panting, arms numb with pain. She was so filthy she couldn't tell if it was blood or tears on her face- it felt like dead, though and that horrified her. So did the ruin of the man before her. She couldn't correctly process what her actions meant- the wet need to breath was too overwhelming. Beth succumbed into it. Now was not the time to think.

It was time to survive. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So they've been together for a while now, right?  
> This isn't about trust or friendship- not yet anyway. Merle is pretty self aware in this chap and ig that's oc (if he'd have any of the "teaching" Daryl how to survive the Dixon way, at least not consciously but it's whatever.) Basically he fucked Daryl up the same way he himself is fucked up and how he's gonna fuck Beth up. Anger is the Dixon remedy and might be just what the doctor has prescribed lil ol Greene. 
> 
> Tbh idk if Beth's anger is unrealistic canon wise, of this magnitude but anger IS a valid emotion and being abandoned etc. can make one feel lost, sad, angry bla bla. So far in the story she's been pushing it down, lost in depression. She doesn't want to be angry, she doesn't truly know that emotion she can't control it. I think that's one of the reason she self harms.


	6. Like Beatrix Kiddo

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which things are coming together? Merle gets Beth some much needed weapons

Beth swallowed her heartbeat one second at a time. That was so, so- she couldn't even put what that was into words. And then he spoke.

 

"Batting a thousand?" He barked out laughter," You must be sniffun glue girl- don't weigh a buck 25 soakin wet. Hell ya usin' that for?"   
He tugged the bat from her grip, her hands slid along the sludge easily. Beth inwardly winced. Merle did a couple mock swings before whistling. " Let's find you something more suitable." She openly gaped at him. After that- what she just did for him, at his insistence- all he had to say was she couldn't handle a bat! That she needed a new weapon? He cocked her head to the side.   
"C'mon Greene. Now I know you ain't as useless as a ash tray on a motorcycle. Time ya got pimped out," he grinned and Beth sighed.  _What next?_

* * *

 

Beth assumed the building was some sort of hunting lodge. _A hunters version of Dick's,_ she took a small amount of joy at her own unceremonious thought process.  
She didn't pay much mind to the energy bars she was shoving into her pack. "Find anything Merle?"

"Yeah, bring your skinny ass over here."

She made her way to the not quiet barren weapon section. She was met with a mischievous looking Merle who held gestured toward the shelf besides him where he placed the weapons he found. "You'll be the next James Coburn when ol' Merle's done with you." Beth frowned, who was James Coburn, before she really looked at the knives. Or where they daggers? At any rate there were three identical knives. The blade was a dark metallic color whilst the handle was straight black. They were about 8 inches? Beth wasn't sure.

"Um Merle?"  
"Don't worry they're all purpose- you're gonna learn how to throw 'em but they're good for practically anything. Throwin knives are like the Vaseline of weapons."  
"I played softball, I don't think I can... just throw around knives!"  
"You'll get used to it princess."

_You'll get used to it (I'm not your babysitter)_

She accepted the weapons gingerly,"Can I still keep my bat at least?" 

Beth had grown fond of wielding a familiar aspect of life around- didn't want to let that go, so soon. Merle rolled his eyes. "Whatever I don't give two shits. 'nyway put those knives through yer belt. Lookie this Greene."

Merle forked over sunglasses. No,"Ray Bans."

A shard of excitement whispered inside of Beth as she plucked them from between Merle's fingers. On close inspection as she had expected, they were the coolest things she'd seen since... well, since forever. Smooth and black- shiny. It was a peice of normal without the mouthful of bitterness all the other reminders had given her, no one she knew ever wore Ray Bans. Beth herself never wore them, but now?  _They are so cool-_ "Stop gogglin 'em and try 'em on Greene we don't got all day."   
Beth didn't let his rough words ruin her, that was just his way. She batted her tangled hair out of her eyes and tried them on. Beth was pleasantly surprised to find they almost fit perfectly. A rusty smile drug across her lips. "Thank you Merle."

Beth resisted the urge to strike a pose- all of this, didn't mean he'd appreciate any of her pre-apocalypse behavior. Acting like that would only piss him off and besides, she wasn't some dumb little girl anymore. Instead Beth just continued to smile promising to do something good for Merle one of these days.

"Yeah whatever Goldilocks," Merle finally allowed.  
"No- really." She hesitantly placed her hand on his shoulder, fingertips grazing the fabric but never making solid contact. She wondered why she didn't just touch him.  
"It... today," Beth said deciding to start over,"I. It felt good to do that."

Merle's face looked like skin stretched over a skull with dazzling diamond eyes. _Eyes of stone._ She couldn't decipher whether the crunch of his face hinted at being okay with what she had said or if he was insulted. The lack of answer made her antsy. She pulled out her knife, feeling the weight briefly- before peering down it as if it was a sniper scope. " 'm real bad a- ss. You can make me a killer like Beatrix Kiddo."

Her promptly told her to quit her shit and," -You told me you don' know who Quentin Tarantino is."  
"I don't."

He sighed, disgusted.

"Take those off when you wanna act oblivious kid."  
"I know who John Wayne is," she offered.  
"That steer fuck? Ain't even in the same ball park. Beth, Greene, Imma whip your yuppie ass in t' shape."  
"Oh," she paused, taking in the look of cocky determination on Merle's face, and nodded her consent. "Okay."      

 

 

 

So he was a malicious fuck, so what? Merle considered Beth and her undeveloped upper arm strength- he could do worse then force her to do push ups, much worse. It was fun to push the girl until her she broke, he had no other form of entertainment besides the bottle of pills in his bag and his stump had been aching something awful lately- so, what if he got his kicks out of sadistically training Fern? No one to stop him. Least of all, her. Beth was no longer some complacent doe, her words crackled with sass and oh he had discovered she had a temper but she followed him. It was amusing. It was expected. Merle watched as Greene descended; biceps quivering with effort.

 _Bitch can't do it._ She'd give out soon for sure. "Again," he lazed. Greene is a hair away from the ground, straining up. He can see her muscles flexing, fighting to go on and she could have made it but in the next second she is flat on her face.  
"The hell was that Greene!" 

It isn't a question- he knows what happened. He was pushing her and her coddled ass gave up just like that. Merle kicks her collapsed form.   
Beth hops onto her feet, mouth running before she has two feet planted firmly into the ground. "I couldn't finish okay? I already did 100! Girls don't do push ups."  
Oh so now she thought she was Ms.High and Mighty with that female shit of a excuse. "Look like I give a damn? Maybe if you didn't spend all your time playin My Little Pony you'd have some upper arm strength, huh."  
"I had a job-"   
"What? Changing shitty diapers? I'm sure you did darlin." 

She mashed the back of her hand against her forehead trying to brush her hair away and said sullenly," I don't even like kids."   
Sounded like she was talking out of her ass but Merle didn't comment.   
"Maggie liked kids more then I ever did..."  
"You and me both.  
"What's that suppose to mean?" Her voice had grown close to shrill here in defense.   
"Means I don't like noisy shits. Now beat your face Greene." 

There was a stifling pause, Beth squinted up at him in question. 

"Christ's dick- drop down and give me twenty, push ups Cinderella! Then we'll get to the real stuff." 

She mean mugged him for a moment, eyes shining with defiance. She dropped down and gave him twenty anyway.  _Name is Beth n she's my well trained dog. Best bitch i've ever had._

.

.

.

  He watched as his junior did planks, doing her best to mean mug him. Like he gave a shit.  _Cute though, think I'll shit my pants._  
The leathery smile he had only grew wider as he popped another pill- he ignored Greene's rude ass questions (what's that for) (the fuck it look like stupid?), Merle swallowed what felt like a clump of dry dirt- dirt clods. (He's assaulted of a montage of greasy haired Darylina flinging an actual rock at Merle- which he had "mistaken" for a clod). Beth's baby face pointed up at him expectantly (Merlle? Hellooo?) He smiles at her and reminds himself it's time to teach her to throw a blade and not some neon knock off baseball. Ol' Merle was gonna teach the angel how to fall. 

_Fall._

* * *

Beth didn't really notice the amount of pills Merle was consuming, nor would she, until the day that he ran out. But at the moment, she was too focused on learning how to "fuck biters up the right way." Merle was acting different but she chalked that up to lack of sleep- she decided she'd take a longer watch tonight, and maybe Merle was warming up to her faster then she thought he would?  _Yeah that must be it._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Beth's throwing knives are Cold Steel 80PGTK GI Tanto.


End file.
